When a parent grows frail, roles shift often awkwardly, and both parent and child can become bewildered and unsure about how to behave, when to intervene, and ask the common question of, "have I become the parent?"
The answer is a very definite no.


For an aged adult, it is dehumanizing to be treated or spoken to as a child, to be nagged, scolded, or bossed around, even if it's subtly done. Your parent may have reverted to some childish ways, but that does not make them your child. Reversing the roles will only lead to dead ends and frustration.


Not only is it best to avoid parenting your parent, but you should go a step further and make a point of reinforcing any independence that remains.


Rather than cleaning your parents room, making lunch, or getting them dressed, find ways for them to participate if even in the smallest of ways. When it comes to assisting with finances and legal affairs, try to keep them at the helm as much as possible. Let them do simple things, even if it's just writing the date or signing their name on a check, while you do the rest. Remember that more than anything else, independence boosts the soul. Your parent may welcome your help, but when people are constantly catered to, decisions made for them and treated as helpless, they also give up their self-esteem, spirit, and drive to go on. Aging is difficult work. Help your seniors to help themselves, whenever possible.


Courtney-Lawrence can be reached at [email protected]