There is a wonderful book titled, “Don't Sweat the Small Stuff … and it's all small stuff,” by Richard Carlson, that is an amazing collection of simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life.
Here is one short lesson in life that really fits me:
The title is, “Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward You (Then Watch It Go Away).” The lesson from the text is as follows.
“So often we are immobilized by the slightest criticism. We treat it like an emergency, and defend ourselves as if we were in battle. In truth, however, criticism is nothing more than an observation by another person about us, our actions, or the way we think about something, that doesn't match the vision we have of ourselves. Big deal!
“When we react to criticism with a knee-jerk, defensive response, it hurts. We feel attacked, and we have a need to defend or to offer a counter criticism. We fill our minds with angry or hurtful thoughts directed at ourselves or at the person who is being critical. All this reaction takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
“An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you. I'm not talking about turning into a doormat or ruining your self-esteem by believing all negativity that comes in your direction. I'm only suggesting that there are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.
“One of the first times I consciously agreed with criticism directed toward me was many years ago when my wife said to me, 'Sometimes you talk too much.' I remember feeling momentarily hurt before deciding to agree. I responded by saying, 'You're right, I do talk too much sometimes.' I discovered something that changed my life. In agreeing with her, I was able to see that she had a good point. I often do talk too much! What's more, my non defensive reaction helped her to relax. A few minutes later she said, 'You know, you're sure easy to talk to.' I doubt she would have said that had I become angry at her observation.
I've since learned that reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.
“Give this strategy a try. I think you'll discover that agreeing with an occasional criticism has more value that it costs.”
Well, I agree wholeheartedly with Carlson. As a matter of fact, most psychologists will tell you there are 18 ego defensive mechanisms in people.
The one that is used most often is, “He who yells the loudest in the argument is perceived by them to be correct.” Another myth too often used.
Remember the shortest distance between two people is a smile. Try it, it will increase your face value.
Here is one short lesson in life that really fits me:
The title is, “Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward You (Then Watch It Go Away).” The lesson from the text is as follows.
“So often we are immobilized by the slightest criticism. We treat it like an emergency, and defend ourselves as if we were in battle. In truth, however, criticism is nothing more than an observation by another person about us, our actions, or the way we think about something, that doesn't match the vision we have of ourselves. Big deal!
“When we react to criticism with a knee-jerk, defensive response, it hurts. We feel attacked, and we have a need to defend or to offer a counter criticism. We fill our minds with angry or hurtful thoughts directed at ourselves or at the person who is being critical. All this reaction takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
“An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you. I'm not talking about turning into a doormat or ruining your self-esteem by believing all negativity that comes in your direction. I'm only suggesting that there are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.
“One of the first times I consciously agreed with criticism directed toward me was many years ago when my wife said to me, 'Sometimes you talk too much.' I remember feeling momentarily hurt before deciding to agree. I responded by saying, 'You're right, I do talk too much sometimes.' I discovered something that changed my life. In agreeing with her, I was able to see that she had a good point. I often do talk too much! What's more, my non defensive reaction helped her to relax. A few minutes later she said, 'You know, you're sure easy to talk to.' I doubt she would have said that had I become angry at her observation.
I've since learned that reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.
“Give this strategy a try. I think you'll discover that agreeing with an occasional criticism has more value that it costs.”
Well, I agree wholeheartedly with Carlson. As a matter of fact, most psychologists will tell you there are 18 ego defensive mechanisms in people.
The one that is used most often is, “He who yells the loudest in the argument is perceived by them to be correct.” Another myth too often used.
Remember the shortest distance between two people is a smile. Try it, it will increase your face value.