CAROLINA ALBAN-STOUGHTON
Director of Communication & Engagement
CARLSBAD CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
Nowadays, keeping up with life can seem like mission impossible. This is especially true for couples trying to juggle kids, work and other responsibilities. In the middle of this fast-paced existence, nurturing their relationship can easily fall to the end of the to-do list. “Date night for many people is dinner or dinner and a movie. Often couples will resort to talking about work, the kids and household logistics…the same things they do daily,” says S.A.G.E. Therapy Center, founder and licensed therapist, Kristin Moorehead-Malley. “I often tell couples to try new things or experiences with each other on dates. The reason this is important is it gives them something outside of their lives to talk about and experience. By doing this they often see their partners in a new way. The spouse or significant other sees them as the individuals they are, not as mom, dad, wife or husband.” According to Moorehead-Malley, who has been guiding couples to improve their relationship dynamic for more than 15 years, sharing experiences can also help one person “reconnect with who they are individually.” She adds that “Experiences also give couples the chance to temporarily depart from the stress or problems in their lives and focus on something new and to play.”
Seizing on couples’ need to connect and try new things together, EHF Pilates Studio Owner and PMA Certified Pilates Instructor, Natalie Walker started offering Pilates classes geared for couples many years ago. “In the nearly two decades EHF Pilates has offered
training in North County, we have developed a very effective program to allow our couples the best of all worlds to receive the individual results desired while they play and train together. We believe those who play together, stay together… Hence the idea.” Walker says couples choose Pilates because this form of exercise offers a blend of options where both can challenge themselves and their partners. For example, “It allows women to shine and perform exercises men find more difficult and vice-versa, which seems to add that fun, competitive nature to allow both partners to shine and thrive together. Additionally our boutique studio offers a very private setting, unlike a large club with lots of other people to work around and talk over, so they are able to spend quality time together.”
According to Moorehead-Malley, different activities can also contribute to boost intimacy. “Unique dates and experiences help create mystery, and mystery can help fuel passion. When couples have been together for decades, there are no mysteries about each other. New, unique experiences help to bring those feelings back, and can provide a foundation to build on when trying to reignite passion.”
Lucky for North County couples, Carlsbad provides plenty of beautiful and even historic settings for couples to connect. One of those opportunities started back in 1997 and has been a favorite of locals and visitors alike – the Carlsbad Mineral Water Spa. Located at the edge of Carlsbad Village, Carlsbad Mineral Water Spa offers couples treatments and mineral baths in what they call the Exotic Oriental Room. “Treatments for couples honestly just made sense. On certain occasions there is nothing more special than being able to enjoy self care with a partner. Being able to just let the stresses of everyday life go away and be in the company 100% of your partner is important and Carlsbad Alkaline Spa just wanted to provide the option to do so,” says General Manager Jake Smith. “It was always part of our service from day one as we know being pampered with your loved one is always a relaxing option.”
According to the website Carlsbad Mineral Water was discovered back in 1882 when Capt. John Frazier “drilled a well for his farm near the beach. The alkaline mineral water cured a stomach ailment
from which Capt. Frazier had suffered for years,” which makes visiting this spa, not only perfect to empower connection and healing, but also an opportunity to learn about the history of Carlsbad. “The couples treatment is one of the most popular packages that we offer. We think its because deep down we all want to spend more time with our partner and this is a perfect way to do so,” says Smith adding that people who have signed up for the experience have always given them rave reviews and great feedback. “It’s as positive as you can imagine. It’s kind of like a reset opportunity for the couple and an experience away from reality.”
For those couples who are on a budget and can’t invest too much or anything at all on experiences, Moorehead-Malley says those don’t have to be expensive to be meaningful. “Many communities have free events such as live music, festivals, and street fairs. Communities also offer art or car shows and inexpensive classes through local recreation departments. Guided nature walks are often free, and couples could even consider volunteering for a building project, community clean-up or service project.” She adds, however, that it is incredibly important to make time for those events. “Couples need to prioritize their relationship. There is no magic. Couples can begin by checking the local events calendars weekly. Set a calendar appointment to do this. If they see something they like, put that on the calendar too. Add reminders for the upcoming events so it doesn’t come up suddenly. Often, if it isn’t on a schedule, couples get busy with their daily lives and push the experience or date aside. Other priorities get scheduled – couples time should too.”
Walker has seen first hand the immediate effects connecting through something fun can have in a relationship. “After a session, couples often leave with big smiles, a sense of accomplishment and an open dialogue. Although Pilates offers a deeper mind-body connection, couples still laugh and joke, encourage and compete with each-other which enhances their connection and support as a couple.”
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, Moorehead-Malley has seen it all, including very tough cases. “I recommended going on a unique date to a couple that I had been seeing for marriage intimacy problems. Their emotional and sexual intimacy was almost non-existent.” However, she said this one unique date turned this couple’s relationship around and reignited their passion. “This couple took a cooking class that the wife originally described as ‘weird.’ However, she had gone to the bathroom and when she returned, she saw this man and thought, ‘wow, he is so attractive,’ and then realized it was her husband! It’s like that song Escape by Rupert Holmes. He was moving and doing things and expressing feelings she hadn’t seen him do before or in a long time, which reignited her passion for him and led to a reciprocation of intimate feelings.”
As the days get warmer and the signs of spring start to arrive, so will more chances to plan fun things, get out and experience, share and connect!